like a car wash

Quote of the day:

I'm all done in 3 minutes and then i'm outta there

It amazes me how often i don't yell " THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" here at work...

When life imitates art.

One of my coworkers and i created a song parody substituting the new program we're forced to use. Its both epic and sad. A complete reflection of working here.

a distinct feeling of irony

Robert [1:21 PM]:
Yeah, its the new Microsoft suite with A.I.

Ashley [1:21 PM]:
What does A.I. stand for?

Ashley [1:21 PM]:
american idol?

Robert [1:22 PM]:
please tell me youre joking
......
.......
.......

Ashley [1:22 PM]:
lol....
maybe?

Robert [1:22 PM]:
dear god

Ashley [1:22 PM]:
LOL what does AI stand for?

Robert [1:22 PM]:
A.rtificial I.ntellegence

Ashley [1:23 PM]:
oh i think i knew that

Robert [1:23 PM]:
i just don't even know what to say right now

And in this corner....

Ashley [12:05 PM]:
at least SOMEONE cares that their order entry representative be fueled.

Robert [12:06 PM]:
hell, you dont do any of my orders, what do i care how fueled you are? :)
lol

Ashley [12:06 PM]:
once again: 'eff you.

Robert [12:07 PM]:
i respect you as a coworker to Ash.

Ashley [12:07 PM]:
i would respect you more if you used the correct form of to in that sentence

Robert [12:08 PM]:
i would respect you more if you stopped whoring yourself out. I would call it a draw.

Ashley [12:08 PM]:
hahahahahahha wow!!!!

More: Real stories from Office Communicator

Ashley [1:05 PM]:
apparently deb thinks im like the funniest person ever

Bob [1:05 PM]:
really?

Ashley [1:06 PM]:
everytime im talking to hillary she giggles in the background

Bob [1:15 PM]:
that s wierd, cause i always thought you were super unfunny
unless shes looking at you, then it makes sense

Ashley [1:17 PM]:
OUCCCCCCCCCHHHHH

Bob [1:17 PM]:
:)

Ashley [1:17 PM]:
**fist pound**

Bob [1:18 PM]:
ah shucks, im just here givin it 110%

Ashley [1:19 PM]:
if only you put as much effort into your work as you do into making fun of me you'd be a KAR in no time

Bob[1:19 PM]:
hell, i'd be CEO

This is of high importance:

This is an actual Office messanger conversation that just happened at work


Ashley [11:59 AM]:
why is this of high importance now?
Bob [12:00 PM]:
i think i accudentally clicked something.... and.....
youre dying
Ashley [12:00 PM]:
oh crap
i dont want this to be the last place i see
Bob[12:01 PM]:
i would have told you face to face, but i thought making an IM as high importance was pretty much the same thing
Ashley [12:01 PM]:
yeah it's just as good
i think im gonna get called tomorrow for tomorrow...will i be dead by then?
Bob [12:02 PM]:
are you being philosophical?
Ashley [12:02 PM]:
whoops one too many tomorrows and no i dont mean called by the lord
Bob[12:02 PM]:
lol
Ashley [12:02 PM]:
i mean by erie county
bob [12:02 PM]:
same thing
Ashley [12:02 PM]:
hahahahah
Bob[12:03 PM]:
um, no, youre goin to make it thru jury duty
Ashley [12:03 PM]:
oh, of course i am.
Bob [12:03 PM]:
then pass away, because it will give you perspective that hell isnt so bad

s-t-r-e-s-s

The most stressful part of the workday isn't a new customer call, or meetings.

Its that half second when youre not sure if the bag/bar is going to fully fall from the vending machine after you select it.

The stress is taking years off my life.

GameShow

"I was glad to have 4 days off, but i'm happy to be back at work"

What is: Things i will never, ever say in my lifetime.

Level Orange

"Terrorism"

is not the proper response when asked in a meeting

"What are some of the biggest threats for our business in the 4th quater?"

Sweet Sweet Sounds

The only thing more beautiful than the sweet sounds of nothingness being whispered in your ear is:

Someone chewing an apple while ordering from you on the phone.

mmmmmmm

i'm giving it %110

Was reheating the pasta that was left on the tables for 6 hours in the break room a good idea?

Probably Not.

Was it still worth it?

Absolutely.

Prophecy from the lunch room

You know how i can tell that the economy is recovering? It's not by the stock market, or any sort of financial index.

It's when the vendors here at work start buying us lunches again.

And you know what my children? Go forth and spend, thy stomach be full, the recession is over!!!

My five year plan

I took a very important half day last week, leaving at 1:30 in the afternoon. Doctors Appointment? No. Dentist? No. Car Mechanic? No. Getting my 4th Tattoo? Yes.

I'm all about priorities.

We all need goals

I am so ridiculously jealous of one of my coworkers. She has achieved the one thing that i am genuinley trying to achieve in my work experience: Retirement.

Office Advice Column

Dear Sir,
Telling me that a woman is like a flower that needs to be showered with compliments in order not to wilt is fine, but doing so after arguing with me about the cost of an already low office product puts your sincerity skills in serious peril.

Ironing

In case you were wondering. No, the irony did not escape me when i was running from the building to my car in a thunderstorm, and happened to be carrying a bottled water.

Part of my training was mind reading.

Guy on phone: I need a part for a machine
Me: Ok sir, what machine is that?
Guy: Well, i don't know.
Me: ..........
Guy: Can you help me?

At this point i wished i could have said: Sir, unless a slap to the back of the head is help, no, i can't help you.

And by the grace of...

A guy on the phone yelled at me today, screaming (and i quote)

" YOU GUY'S ARE (__insert Company Name___), YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING!"

To which in my head i thought: Sir, we are neither God, nor Google, the best power i have is to hang up on you.

Like shoots and ladders

So i received a promotion, and today was my first full day. As a reward, i got to stay 15 minutes past the end of my shift doing work!

Somehow i think theres no going back....

So i don't usually do this

This is not a Work related blog, this is just a quick blog to say THANK YOU to AsiaLife Magazine for directing thier readers to this sight. It is very, very appreciated!

And we now return you to your regularly scheduled sarcasm...