Level Orange

"Terrorism"

is not the proper response when asked in a meeting

"What are some of the biggest threats for our business in the 4th quater?"

Sweet Sweet Sounds

The only thing more beautiful than the sweet sounds of nothingness being whispered in your ear is:

Someone chewing an apple while ordering from you on the phone.

mmmmmmm

i'm giving it %110

Was reheating the pasta that was left on the tables for 6 hours in the break room a good idea?

Probably Not.

Was it still worth it?

Absolutely.

Prophecy from the lunch room

You know how i can tell that the economy is recovering? It's not by the stock market, or any sort of financial index.

It's when the vendors here at work start buying us lunches again.

And you know what my children? Go forth and spend, thy stomach be full, the recession is over!!!

My five year plan

I took a very important half day last week, leaving at 1:30 in the afternoon. Doctors Appointment? No. Dentist? No. Car Mechanic? No. Getting my 4th Tattoo? Yes.

I'm all about priorities.

We all need goals

I am so ridiculously jealous of one of my coworkers. She has achieved the one thing that i am genuinley trying to achieve in my work experience: Retirement.

Office Advice Column

Dear Sir,
Telling me that a woman is like a flower that needs to be showered with compliments in order not to wilt is fine, but doing so after arguing with me about the cost of an already low office product puts your sincerity skills in serious peril.

Ironing

In case you were wondering. No, the irony did not escape me when i was running from the building to my car in a thunderstorm, and happened to be carrying a bottled water.

Part of my training was mind reading.

Guy on phone: I need a part for a machine
Me: Ok sir, what machine is that?
Guy: Well, i don't know.
Me: ..........
Guy: Can you help me?

At this point i wished i could have said: Sir, unless a slap to the back of the head is help, no, i can't help you.

And by the grace of...

A guy on the phone yelled at me today, screaming (and i quote)

" YOU GUY'S ARE (__insert Company Name___), YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING!"

To which in my head i thought: Sir, we are neither God, nor Google, the best power i have is to hang up on you.

Like shoots and ladders

So i received a promotion, and today was my first full day. As a reward, i got to stay 15 minutes past the end of my shift doing work!

Somehow i think theres no going back....

So i don't usually do this

This is not a Work related blog, this is just a quick blog to say THANK YOU to AsiaLife Magazine for directing thier readers to this sight. It is very, very appreciated!

And we now return you to your regularly scheduled sarcasm...

Neosporin anyone?

(Referring to her McFlurry)

Coworker: I'm just going to take this top off

Me: I bet thats not the first time youve said that in your life.


BURN.

So THIS is irony

So today is earth day, and to celebrate at work, we had :

a book Fair!

I love books and all, but you know, those pesky pages inside are made with, um, well... you know.

shhh

opposite day.

A co worker of mine is going on a nice, sunny vacation next week, and has been complaining like crazy about trying to lose weight.
This morning she order an italian sub, no lettuce, with mayo.

That'll work.

Like Casper

There is nothing like the feeling of someone who sits right next to you ignoring your emails. I heard the beep, i saw you look at the first line popping up! Then you just go ahead and start typing away.

I'm going to start pretending its grave medical news that needs immediate opening...

One, two, One two three four!

You know that troupe "Stomp", where everyone takes everyday things and makes cool music out of it? Its like that here, but with coughing and sniffling.

and its not cool.

At work ADHD

So in the very same day, i learned that no one is getting pay raises, and i now have to work 30 minutes later at night. The three days immediately following this, we have venders come in and give us free lunches, as if thats going to stop us from being mad about.... um, about.... you know, the thing...

damn.

Check 1 2. Check 1 2

To the coworkers who never listen to what someone else is say:

Ah, who am i kidding, you're not paying attention.

Definition of "work"

"Hey, youre a computer guy, can you see if you can get me some discount on airfare that i'm booking today?"

when i asked "does anybody need any help?", that wasn't exactly what i intended...