Part of my training was mind reading.

Guy on phone: I need a part for a machine
Me: Ok sir, what machine is that?
Guy: Well, i don't know.
Me: ..........
Guy: Can you help me?

At this point i wished i could have said: Sir, unless a slap to the back of the head is help, no, i can't help you.

And by the grace of...

A guy on the phone yelled at me today, screaming (and i quote)

" YOU GUY'S ARE (__insert Company Name___), YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING!"

To which in my head i thought: Sir, we are neither God, nor Google, the best power i have is to hang up on you.

Like shoots and ladders

So i received a promotion, and today was my first full day. As a reward, i got to stay 15 minutes past the end of my shift doing work!

Somehow i think theres no going back....

So i don't usually do this

This is not a Work related blog, this is just a quick blog to say THANK YOU to AsiaLife Magazine for directing thier readers to this sight. It is very, very appreciated!

And we now return you to your regularly scheduled sarcasm...

Neosporin anyone?

(Referring to her McFlurry)

Coworker: I'm just going to take this top off

Me: I bet thats not the first time youve said that in your life.


BURN.

So THIS is irony

So today is earth day, and to celebrate at work, we had :

a book Fair!

I love books and all, but you know, those pesky pages inside are made with, um, well... you know.

shhh

opposite day.

A co worker of mine is going on a nice, sunny vacation next week, and has been complaining like crazy about trying to lose weight.
This morning she order an italian sub, no lettuce, with mayo.

That'll work.

Like Casper

There is nothing like the feeling of someone who sits right next to you ignoring your emails. I heard the beep, i saw you look at the first line popping up! Then you just go ahead and start typing away.

I'm going to start pretending its grave medical news that needs immediate opening...

One, two, One two three four!

You know that troupe "Stomp", where everyone takes everyday things and makes cool music out of it? Its like that here, but with coughing and sniffling.

and its not cool.

At work ADHD

So in the very same day, i learned that no one is getting pay raises, and i now have to work 30 minutes later at night. The three days immediately following this, we have venders come in and give us free lunches, as if thats going to stop us from being mad about.... um, about.... you know, the thing...

damn.

Check 1 2. Check 1 2

To the coworkers who never listen to what someone else is say:

Ah, who am i kidding, you're not paying attention.

Definition of "work"

"Hey, youre a computer guy, can you see if you can get me some discount on airfare that i'm booking today?"

when i asked "does anybody need any help?", that wasn't exactly what i intended...

Old man on the front porch

Mental Note:
If my day is teetering on the brink of being a good or a bad day, and i want for it to fall towards good, do not log in to look at my 401K retirement.

I'm going to have to work til i'm 90, when i can call everyone "whipper-snappers"

Better than a "note to self"

We received and email at work telling us not to "sell out clients short" by spending time on our march madness gambling, which reminds me,

I need to fill out my second NCAA bracket...

My mind is wandering to a creepy hotel...

All work and no caffeine makes me a dull boy...

enieffac...
enieffac...
enieffac...

like cinderella

The person that sit next have a tape dispenser that is a guy sitting on a toilet, you pull the tape out of his hands and tear it at his feet. Also, inside the toilet part, paper clips are kept by a magnet.

She's a classy broad.

Advice Column

The next time someone at work asks me for advice, i am going to immediately give them the worst advice that comes to mind. Example:

Them: Hey Man, what should i do for lunch?

Me: Sleep with your boyfriends brother.

Who's Next?

Echo (echo echo)

I just, not 2 minutes ago, saw a guy using a urinal while also talking to a client on his bluetooth. I'm all for multitasking, but would you wanna be the guy on the other end listening to him?

It gives you wings... so you can sit back in your seat.

The Red Bull in the Vending machine was accidentally programmed at $1.50 instead of $2.50 for a couple days.

There weren't lines that long at 1930's food rationing buildings...

No one rocks like this rock rocks.

For a job especially well done, we get these little cards that are called "Kudos To you" Cards, and they have a little picture of a Bee dancing on them. Then, with all seriousness (which has got to be hard i imagine), the person who nominates you has to give the reason why you received this "award". The favorite one i've received so far?

"You Rock,
(signed) Derek"

Now THATS a reason.