Which ones have the masks?

It's Halloween and most people are dressed up here at work (including myself).

So this is what it's like to be able to laugh at people to thier face!

Smells like cancer and science to me

"What goes up, must come down."

That quote is for you, canned air users.

A secure feeling

In order to get into the building, we have a James Bond style swipe card, which i am sure is impenetrable.

It would be impressive if the visitor door, which is completely unsecured and unlocked at all times, wasn't 25 feet to the left.

From office chairs to impatient beds

There is so much hacking and coughing today, you would think it's a hospital ward.

If it was, then me passing out wouldn't be quite so awkward...

The Office Crier

Why does one person in the office always have to announce wordly bad news to people, and it always starts the same way:

"did you guys hear...?"

Those people stood on streetcorners and yelled " The british are coming" in past lives.

Wasn't there a rule where you don't talk about religion and...something at work? what was that other thing again?

Today at work i told someone that i base my political beliefs off facts and figures, and that they based their beliefs off Internet rumors and lies.

I think i can pinpoint the exact moment in time where we stopped being friends.

Asleep from the wheel

On the way home from work today, i went thru a toll booth where the toll booth lady was asleep, and all i could think was:

"I'm so jealous of the job you have"

Office Gemini

This was the email i actually sent out today:
"I will be working 10:30 – 7pm tomorrow. Thanks."

This is the email i really wanted to send out today:
"I will be making paper airplanes out of all your orders between 10:30 and 7, as usual, I say thanks but no thanks to your questions and inquiries, goodbye"

The nightmare before Halloween

There are bowls of candy everywhere in the office because it's nearly Halloween, but today i noticed a desk with (drum roll please) : apples.

It's like that house when you were a kid that handed out dental floss and granola... just shut your front porch lights off so i know not to come.

the red could be for anger

So getting your face sunburned at an outdoor sporting event on sunday, then coming into work on a monday, in October, in New york, is an interesting experiment.

No, i don't have the number to the closest tanning bed.

The Sarcastic man meets his Anniversary

For our One Year Anniversary here, we get a little plastic pretend champagne bottle with red candy in it, and a "Happy Anniversary" sticker on the front.

Maybe for my second year i'll get some soda pop.

Gramma, can i borrow your sweater?

Friday's are the office equivelent of christmas.

Terrible "dress down" sweaters and all.

Lepors and Lemurs and Snack-Cakes, oh my!

Nothing makes you feel more like the office lepor than when you don't participate in the "bring-in-food for everyones birthday" day of the month.

Except for when they then put all the food at the empty desk next to you.

Urgent Policy Update:

A coworker of mine just mentioned that someone was out sick today. Then three different people, right after one another, asked : "Who's out today?"

When i am president, there will be free hearing aids for all!

A mid 20's career change.

I need a job where if i come in hung over on monday, it won't affect me quite so much.

I'm thinking brain surgeon.

The shallow end of the pool.

A new girl started this past monday, and i had bet in our pool that she'd be gone by wednesday.

She's still here, so i guess i lost and won.

Appreciated like a 40 degree turkey sandwhich

So far during "Customer Service Appreciation week" we've received: donughts/pie, Cider/orange juice, and a soft lunchbox bag thing.

I'll let you draw you're own conclusion on how appreciated we are.

Office Astronomy

Free coffee and Donughts, then free pizza and wings, it's as if the stars aligned in office world.

Which is good, because i'll need zero gravity after i'm 400 pounds.

28 days later: Corporate America Style

There is nothing like a sick co-worker to spread the feeling of eminent self-doom. Someone should have warned me a surgical mask might be too much.