Postcards from a Cubicle Dweller

external career opportunities

2011-05-03T14:58:00.000-04:00

Bob [2:47 PM]:
i want to start my own business so bad after i graduate

Ashley [2:49 PM]:
can i work for it?

Bob[2:49 PM]:
since i don't plan on being a pimp, i doubt it

2011-03-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

Ashley [2:45 PM]:
but ashley and deb were when i got here and i just sat down and he comes running over to me w/ one and goes "here you go"
lol
Bob [2:45 PM]:
awesome!!!
Ashley [2:45 PM]:
i must give off the vibe im important lol
Bob [2:46 PM]:
or easy

yup

2011-03-07T13:06:00.000-05:00

Bob [1:06 PM]:
- i think so too, its too many pages for a price increade
-*increse
- AHHHH
-INCREASE
- fail

The town bathroom

2011-01-21T13:03:00.004-05:00

Ashley [12:40 PM]:
i have to make a video talking about myself for the one class. holy awkward lol
Bob [12:40 PM]:
i could do that in a heartbeat... just pretend your auditioning for "the real world"
Ashley [12:40 PM]:
lol, i'd make my real world tape much more interesting
Bob [12:41 PM]:
you should also drink beforehand
Ashley [12:41 PM]:
i might. cuz the thought of sitting there staring into a webcam talking about myself creeps me out
Bob [12:44 PM]:
you have to do it live?
Ashley [12:45 PM]:
no i have to record it
it'll probably be 30 seconds lol
Bob [12:49 PM]:
" Hi I'm Ashley, im kinda of a whore, its a family tradition, nice to meet everyone!"
8 seconds flat
Ashley [12:50 PM]:
hahaha thats all they need to know!
Bob[12:51 PM]:
" you can find my phone number in most guys bathroom stalls in the area"
Ashley [12:51 PM]:
is it in here?
Bob [12:52 PM]:
in thick sharpie!
lol
joking joking
i wrote it in fine point sharpie
Ashley [12:52 PM]:
haha that explains all the calls from unknown numbers ive been getting lately
Bob [12:52 PM]:
it says " " for an average time, call..."
Ashley [12:52 PM]:
LOLLLLL
Ashley [12:52 PM]:
i dont know why i find that funny

light coming thru the tunnel

2011-01-07T12:28:00.001-05:00

Bob [12:25 PM]:
-exactly
-jaja
-haha
-ugh
-whatever keyboard
Ashley [12:25 PM]:
- jaja LOL i like iot
-*it
- oops lol
Bob [12:25 PM]:
-HAHA
- This is a trainwreck

like a car wash

2010-11-16T11:44:00.002-05:00

Quote of the day:

I'm all done in 3 minutes and then i'm outta there

It amazes me how often i don't yell " THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" here at work...

When life imitates art.

2010-10-13T13:35:00.002-04:00

One of my coworkers and i created a song parody substituting the new program we're forced to use. Its both epic and sad. A complete reflection of working here.

a distinct feeling of irony

2010-10-13T13:26:00.002-04:00

Robert [1:21 PM]:
Yeah, its the new Microsoft suite with A.I.

Ashley [1:21 PM]:
What does A.I. stand for?

Ashley [1:21 PM]:
american idol?

Robert [1:22 PM]:
please tell me youre joking
......
.......
.......

Ashley [1:22 PM]:
lol....
maybe?

Robert [1:22 PM]:
dear god

Ashley [1:22 PM]:
LOL what does AI stand for?

Robert [1:22 PM]:
A.rtificial I.ntellegence

Ashley [1:23 PM]:
oh i think i knew that

Robert [1:23 PM]:
i just don't even know what to say right now

And in this corner....

2010-05-25T16:29:00.000-04:00

Ashley [12:05 PM]:
at least SOMEONE cares that their order entry representative be fueled.

Robert [12:06 PM]:
hell, you dont do any of my orders, what do i care how fueled you are? :)
lol

Ashley [12:06 PM]:
once again: 'eff you.

Robert [12:07 PM]:
i respect you as a coworker to Ash.

Ashley [12:07 PM]:
i would respect you more if you used the correct form of to in that sentence

Robert [12:08 PM]:
i would respect you more if you stopped whoring yourself out. I would call it a draw.

Ashley [12:08 PM]:
hahahahahahha wow!!!!

More: Real stories from Office Communicator

2010-04-02T13:34:00.001-04:00

Ashley [1:05 PM]:
apparently deb thinks im like the funniest person ever

Bob [1:05 PM]:
really?

Ashley [1:06 PM]:
everytime im talking to hillary she giggles in the background

Bob [1:15 PM]:
that s wierd, cause i always thought you were super unfunny
unless shes looking at you, then it makes sense

Ashley [1:17 PM]:
OUCCCCCCCCCHHHHH

Bob [1:17 PM]:
:)

Ashley [1:17 PM]:
**fist pound**

Bob [1:18 PM]:
ah shucks, im just here givin it 110%

Ashley [1:19 PM]:
if only you put as much effort into your work as you do into making fun of me you'd be a KAR in no time

Bob[1:19 PM]:
hell, i'd be CEO

This is of high importance:

2010-03-09T12:13:00.002-05:00

This is an actual Office messanger conversation that just happened at work

Ashley [11:59 AM]:
why is this of high importance now?
Bob [12:00 PM]:
i think i accudentally clicked something.... and.....
youre dying
Ashley [12:00 PM]:
oh crap
i dont want this to be the last place i see
Bob[12:01 PM]:
i would have told you face to face, but i thought making an IM as high importance was pretty much the same thing
Ashley [12:01 PM]:
yeah it's just as good
i think im gonna get called tomorrow for tomorrow...will i be dead by then?
Bob [12:02 PM]:
are you being philosophical?
Ashley [12:02 PM]:
whoops one too many tomorrows and no i dont mean called by the lord
Bob[12:02 PM]:
lol
Ashley [12:02 PM]:
i mean by erie county
bob [12:02 PM]:
same thing
Ashley [12:02 PM]:
hahahahah
Bob[12:03 PM]:
um, no, youre goin to make it thru jury duty
Ashley [12:03 PM]:
oh, of course i am.
Bob [12:03 PM]:
then pass away, because it will give you perspective that hell isnt so bad

s-t-r-e-s-s

2010-01-11T13:34:00.002-05:00

The most stressful part of the workday isn't a new customer call, or meetings.

Its that half second when youre not sure if the bag/bar is going to fully fall from the vending machine after you select it.

The stress is taking years off my life.

GameShow

2009-11-30T13:45:00.001-05:00

"I was glad to have 4 days off, but i'm happy to be back at work"

What is: Things i will never, ever say in my lifetime.

Level Orange

2009-11-02T22:21:00.001-05:00

"Terrorism"

is not the proper response when asked in a meeting

"What are some of the biggest threats for our business in the 4th quater?"

Sweet Sweet Sounds

2009-10-22T14:21:00.003-04:00

The only thing more beautiful than the sweet sounds of nothingness being whispered in your ear is:

Someone chewing an apple while ordering from you on the phone.

mmmmmmm

i'm giving it %110

2009-10-19T19:59:00.001-04:00

Was reheating the pasta that was left on the tables for 6 hours in the break room a good idea?

Probably Not.

Was it still worth it?

Absolutely.

Prophecy from the lunch room

2009-10-14T20:17:00.001-04:00

You know how i can tell that the economy is recovering? It's not by the stock market, or any sort of financial index.

It's when the vendors here at work start buying us lunches again.

And you know what my children? Go forth and spend, thy stomach be full, the recession is over!!!

My five year plan

2009-07-19T01:43:00.003-04:00

I took a very important half day last week, leaving at 1:30 in the afternoon. Doctors Appointment? No. Dentist? No. Car Mechanic? No. Getting my 4th Tattoo? Yes.

I'm all about priorities.

We all need goals

2009-07-19T01:41:00.001-04:00

I am so ridiculously jealous of one of my coworkers. She has achieved the one thing that i am genuinley trying to achieve in my work experience: Retirement.

Office Advice Column

2009-07-06T22:59:00.002-04:00

Dear Sir,
Telling me that a woman is like a flower that needs to be showered with compliments in order not to wilt is fine, but doing so after arguing with me about the cost of an already low office product puts your sincerity skills in serious peril.

Ironing

2009-07-06T22:56:00.001-04:00

In case you were wondering. No, the irony did not escape me when i was running from the building to my car in a thunderstorm, and happened to be carrying a bottled water.

Part of my training was mind reading.

2009-05-21T22:08:00.002-04:00

Guy on phone: I need a part for a machine
Me: Ok sir, what machine is that?
Guy: Well, i don't know.
Me: ..........
Guy: Can you help me?

At this point i wished i could have said: Sir, unless a slap to the back of the head is help, no, i can't help you.

And by the grace of...

2009-05-21T22:04:00.002-04:00

A guy on the phone yelled at me today, screaming (and i quote)

" YOU GUY'S ARE (__insert Company Name___), YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING!"

To which in my head i thought: Sir, we are neither God, nor Google, the best power i have is to hang up on you.

Like shoots and ladders

2009-05-21T22:03:00.002-04:00

So i received a promotion, and today was my first full day. As a reward, i got to stay 15 minutes past the end of my shift doing work!

Somehow i think theres no going back....

So i don't usually do this

2009-05-17T00:52:00.001-04:00

This is not a Work related blog, this is just a quick blog to say THANK YOU to AsiaLife Magazine for directing thier readers to this sight. It is very, very appreciated!

And we now return you to your regularly scheduled sarcasm...

Neosporin anyone?

2009-04-23T14:58:00.001-04:00

(Referring to her McFlurry)

Coworker: I'm just going to take this top off

Me: I bet thats not the first time youve said that in your life.

BURN.

So THIS is irony

2009-04-22T18:05:00.002-04:00

So today is earth day, and to celebrate at work, we had :

a book Fair!

I love books and all, but you know, those pesky pages inside are made with, um, well... you know.

shhh

opposite day.

2009-04-15T12:51:00.001-04:00

A co worker of mine is going on a nice, sunny vacation next week, and has been complaining like crazy about trying to lose weight.
This morning she order an italian sub, no lettuce, with mayo.

That'll work.

Like Casper

2009-04-10T12:32:00.002-04:00

There is nothing like the feeling of someone who sits right next to you ignoring your emails. I heard the beep, i saw you look at the first line popping up! Then you just go ahead and start typing away.

I'm going to start pretending its grave medical news that needs immediate opening...

One, two, One two three four!

2009-04-10T12:29:00.002-04:00

You know that troupe "Stomp", where everyone takes everyday things and makes cool music out of it? Its like that here, but with coughing and sniffling.

and its not cool.

At work ADHD

2009-04-10T12:25:00.002-04:00

So in the very same day, i learned that no one is getting pay raises, and i now have to work 30 minutes later at night. The three days immediately following this, we have venders come in and give us free lunches, as if thats going to stop us from being mad about.... um, about.... you know, the thing...

damn.

Check 1 2. Check 1 2

2009-03-26T13:41:00.002-04:00

To the coworkers who never listen to what someone else is say:

Ah, who am i kidding, you're not paying attention.

Definition of "work"

2009-03-20T13:50:00.002-04:00

"Hey, youre a computer guy, can you see if you can get me some discount on airfare that i'm booking today?"

when i asked "does anybody need any help?", that wasn't exactly what i intended...

Old man on the front porch

2009-03-20T13:43:00.003-04:00

Mental Note:
If my day is teetering on the brink of being a good or a bad day, and i want for it to fall towards good, do not log in to look at my 401K retirement.

I'm going to have to work til i'm 90, when i can call everyone "whipper-snappers"

Better than a "note to self"

2009-03-19T13:20:00.001-04:00

We received and email at work telling us not to "sell out clients short" by spending time on our march madness gambling, which reminds me,

I need to fill out my second NCAA bracket...

My mind is wandering to a creepy hotel...

2009-03-19T13:06:00.001-04:00

All work and no caffeine makes me a dull boy...

enieffac...
enieffac...
enieffac...

like cinderella

2009-03-18T14:51:00.001-04:00

The person that sit next have a tape dispenser that is a guy sitting on a toilet, you pull the tape out of his hands and tear it at his feet. Also, inside the toilet part, paper clips are kept by a magnet.

She's a classy broad.

Advice Column

2009-03-18T14:32:00.003-04:00

The next time someone at work asks me for advice, i am going to immediately give them the worst advice that comes to mind. Example:

Them: Hey Man, what should i do for lunch?

Me: Sleep with your boyfriends brother.

Who's Next?

Echo (echo echo)

2009-03-17T15:47:00.002-04:00

I just, not 2 minutes ago, saw a guy using a urinal while also talking to a client on his bluetooth. I'm all for multitasking, but would you wanna be the guy on the other end listening to him?

It gives you wings... so you can sit back in your seat.

2009-03-17T11:33:00.002-04:00

The Red Bull in the Vending machine was accidentally programmed at $1.50 instead of $2.50 for a couple days.

There weren't lines that long at 1930's food rationing buildings...

No one rocks like this rock rocks.

2009-03-17T11:22:00.003-04:00

For a job especially well done, we get these little cards that are called "Kudos To you" Cards, and they have a little picture of a Bee dancing on them. Then, with all seriousness (which has got to be hard i imagine), the person who nominates you has to give the reason why you received this "award". The favorite one i've received so far?

"You Rock,
(signed) Derek"

Now THATS a reason.

like a baseball bat to a printer/copier/fax

2009-03-17T11:18:00.002-04:00

The best feeling i get from work isn't from a job well done, not a pat on the back from a boss or co-worker, not a sales goal met. It's when someone accuses me of doing something wrong, and when i check into it, it was thier fault.

Maybe i'm going into it with the wrong frame of mind, but damn it feel's good to be a gangsta....

First quater report

2009-03-17T11:14:00.003-04:00

The Day after St. Patricks day tally:
%10 of the people in the buidling out, and another %30 here, but not really here.

Ah the luck-o-the-irish!

Like an STD, its contagious...

2009-03-05T11:53:00.002-05:00

Today is a Hawiian themed casual day. They gave everyone free lays.

54 minutes into work, 3 terrible "lai" jokes already.... originality just seeps thru this place.

off the charts

2009-02-02T18:31:00.002-05:00

The day after the superbowl is like land of the living dead around here. People are either hung over, have lost a bunch of money, or are just irritated because its monday.

I myself am a threefer, so where's my gold star?

Louis the IV

2009-01-13T16:42:00.002-05:00

So there are layoffs coming, but for some reason, our company is not calling them "lay-offs", they are calling them:

(once again, drum roll please): Head count reduction.

Which puts this aweful picture of headless bodies typing away at a keyboard into my imagination. I guess its really not all that different than it is now....

Let's do the time warp again!

2009-01-13T14:23:00.003-05:00

Update from the past (about a month ago):

This past Xmas, a coworker of mine and i convinced the company to throw an "ugly sweater contest", with actual gift cards for prizes. Sponsored by our company!

Awesome anyone?

Flip that calendar!

2009-01-13T14:19:00.005-05:00

Today we received an email stating:

"We will be celebrating December birthdays tomorrow with food and beverages"

Which wouldn't be unusual, except that 1) it wasn't a typo, and 2) it's January 13th.

A long long time ago...

2008-12-15T17:43:00.003-05:00

The gym upstairs at work has six different weight machines, and 3 of them have been broken for a month or two now. This would be surprising, except for the fact that all of them might have been made as part or roosevelts goverment job building programs of the 1930's...

So how about that netting...

2008-12-11T18:47:00.002-05:00

May i have your attention please:
Spit guards will now be required for all people who are close talkers. Thanks you.

I'm #1 !!! I'm #1! !!

2008-12-11T18:46:00.003-05:00

My coworker just told me that i'm number 1.

Thats what the middle finger is for, right?

There's a wall between us....

2008-12-11T18:42:00.002-05:00

So i got a sneak peak at the newly remodled bathroom here at work, and there has never been anything more exciting in my work life. There is now a wall between were people shower and where i can use the bathroom.

I never have to worry about losing my appetite again!

2 + 2 = a long walk

2008-12-10T17:34:00.001-05:00

There is a gym here at work that i try to go up to and exercise twice a week.

I bring this up only because everyday i'm willing to circle the parking lots for hours looking for a parking space 20 feet closer.

A Reverse Stripper

2008-12-10T17:32:00.002-05:00

I was bet $5 by a coworker that i wouldn't wear this ridiculously ugly velvet christmas vest around for the day. How childish, right? who pays people in singles...

Also inappropriate for Foriegn Policy:

2008-12-08T14:43:00.003-05:00

They say that honesty is the best policy, but that might not apply when telling a sales rep that I'll just mess up there clients orders enough times so that they have to do it themselves, and that way of thinking is a general strategy of mine.

Lets do, the time warp, again!

2008-12-08T14:31:00.002-05:00

You definately know you're late when the people who start there shift 30 minutes after you are there before you...

Now if i can just stop this from happening the 20 or 25 times a year that it does...

That einstein sure was Einstein-y

2008-12-03T12:47:00.004-05:00

Albert Einstein defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

This comes to mind today as one of my coworkers asked the same question three times in a row, and all three times got the same exact answer. Maybe he meant that it will drive the other people crazy...

The king and his Castle

2008-12-03T12:44:00.002-05:00

So with the current recession, there have been whisperings and mumbling about upcoming firings, or "layoffs" as they are politely called, and i decided that it won't be me who is fired.

Not because of some awesome work productivity, or excellent communication skills, but because the Jester never gets fired by the Royal family, and i'm the enetertainment.

Office empires weren't built in a day.

2008-11-26T12:53:00.003-05:00

The day before major holidays at work is a completely bi-polar experience. There is food everywhere, people are all relaxed, you're walking around and talking, and then you get back to your desk, and you forgot that there is a big pile of work sitting there for you.

I wondered if this is how the Romans felt...

Formal Warning

2008-11-25T13:25:00.005-05:00

Memo to the world:
Don't "shush" me

I'll be the tiger, and you'll be sigfreid.

Who would have thought, it figured?

2008-11-25T12:44:00.004-05:00

I think that there should be a government infomercial, also shown at all offices, that lets people know that %90 of the time that they use the word "ironic", they actually mean "coincidental". I know this is me being anal, but college educated, "professional" business people should know.

Whatareya gonna get...

2008-11-24T17:39:00.001-05:00

When your boss's boss goes literally sprinting down the aisle behind you, it really makes you ponder the reason why.

I'm guessing: Hot pocket was burning.

Is this one of those " if you can't fix it, duck it" times?

2008-11-21T19:25:00.002-05:00

So for awhile now my work has refused to take out the ultraviolet lights directly above my head, which cause me headaches on a regular basis. So today, after almost everyone left, i stood on my desk and took the out myself.

Sure, i cracked the entire light covering, but the scotch tape keeping the whole thing up is barely noticable...

DeEvolution

2008-11-19T17:52:00.001-05:00

Everytime i have to retell a story at work it gets a little bit shorter each time, as if going from the novel to the cliffnotes version.

I'm guessing this is how cavemen started grunting, there were only 50 of them, and they had the same stories over and over.

Acronym L.O.V.E.

2008-11-18T18:30:00.002-05:00

Attention:
Guy who decided everything needs to be an acronym:

Justify your Existance you Righteous Knucklehead

The tall boy and the hypocrate bear....

2008-11-18T18:24:00.004-05:00

Having headphones on at work is the universal sign that you don't want to be talked to unless it's really important.

Apparently the person next to me didn't get the memo...

Is she having a seizure....

2008-11-17T19:17:00.001-05:00

Today at work i uttered the phrase:

They were bracing for Hurricane Dance.

That is all.

Oh.My.God Becky....

2008-11-17T17:12:00.003-05:00

Today at work, a co-worker and i were having a civil discussion about whether "Butts" or "Weiner" were a funnier last name in a shipping address...

Nothing but the utmost professionalism here at work.

5 out of 4 people are bad at math....

2008-11-17T13:51:00.003-05:00

I do realize that math in this country doesn't seem to be a strong point, but someone should let the presenter of the last meeting know that %42 is not "about %50", especially when it comes to tens of millions of dollars.

I'm guessing this is how Enron ended up doing so well....

Thaw the turkey before you deepfry it...

2008-11-14T20:25:00.002-05:00

Today we had a location wide meeting (population 274) about how we aren't hitting our sales goals.

Meanwhile, during this hour and ten minute meeting, most of the sales reps were off the phone, in the meeting...

sigh.

Health Note:

2008-11-13T18:03:00.003-05:00

Memo to guy who walks around naked after taking a shower in work bathroom.

You are the number one cause of accidental male bulemia in this workplace.

One of these things is not like the other...

2008-11-13T17:54:00.004-05:00

So in our vending machine for drinks there is an entire row (c1-c9) that is entirely bottled water, all the same brand, the same kind. For some reason i pick "c4" every time.

I wonder if i'm missing out on some magical taste sensations in the other rows, but i'm afraid if i pick a different one, it won't be as cool and refreshing...

The Adams Family

2008-11-13T17:30:00.003-05:00

So i haven't called off a day in over four months. I'm not a creature who likes to come to work for that long consecutively.

Those people are called "freaks".

Rock, paper, scissors

2008-11-13T11:28:00.002-05:00

Is there some sort of concept that i am missing about showing up to work early? I'm the only one in my group that isn't here 10 minutes early, and i'm pretty sure i'm not missing anything.

Except that weird secret handshake they have...

Cement Shoes

2008-11-10T12:32:00.003-05:00

So we found out who the "snitch" is in out group, the one that's been telling on everybody, and well, haha, you know what we do to snitches in the office world:

Promotion to Upper Management.

If you should go skating, on the thin ice...

2008-11-07T18:14:00.002-05:00

The rumor around town is that someone in a position that i want may or may not be getting "let go".

Sure, i feel like a terrible human being for wanting it to happen, but then the vision of the paycheck dances around in my head, and i feel like a horrible person with goals...

Closin' what you're opening...

2008-11-06T19:10:00.003-05:00

There are people working on our roof today, and they had all the vents closed off...

I might be paranoid, but i think theyre slowly trying to trap us in here...

The end of everything as we know it.

2008-11-06T12:35:00.002-05:00

Technically speaking, the system crashing isn't the end of the free world as we know, But from the looks on people faces, and the statements coming out of thier mouths, i feel like i should be climbing into a bomb shelter.

Hopefully there's a working wireless internet in there...

The Ying and the Yang

2008-11-05T19:04:00.001-05:00

Antagonizing co-workers is one of my favorite work past times, it really makes the day go by faster.

Well, for one of us.

Outside the bubble

2008-11-05T18:57:00.002-05:00

Wearing political buttons at work might seem like a no-no to people who are afraid to offend others.

I'm sure glad i'm not one of those people.

Help Desk 101

2008-11-03T12:20:00.003-05:00

Attn: workers with limited computer skills:

The computer is not personally out to get you, it does not hold grudges, and yelling at it doesn't do a whole lot to improve the situation. Thank you.

Which ones have the masks?

2008-10-31T17:58:00.003-04:00

It's Halloween and most people are dressed up here at work (including myself).

So this is what it's like to be able to laugh at people to thier face!

Smells like cancer and science to me

2008-10-29T19:29:00.002-04:00

"What goes up, must come down."

That quote is for you, canned air users.

A secure feeling

2008-10-29T13:35:00.004-04:00

In order to get into the building, we have a James Bond style swipe card, which i am sure is impenetrable.

It would be impressive if the visitor door, which is completely unsecured and unlocked at all times, wasn't 25 feet to the left.

From office chairs to impatient beds

2008-10-28T13:03:00.003-04:00

There is so much hacking and coughing today, you would think it's a hospital ward.

If it was, then me passing out wouldn't be quite so awkward...

The Office Crier

2008-10-27T18:32:00.000-04:00

Why does one person in the office always have to announce wordly bad news to people, and it always starts the same way:

"did you guys hear...?"

Those people stood on streetcorners and yelled " The british are coming" in past lives.

Wasn't there a rule where you don't talk about religion and...something at work? what was that other thing again?

2008-10-24T14:25:00.002-04:00

Today at work i told someone that i base my political beliefs off facts and figures, and that they based their beliefs off Internet rumors and lies.

I think i can pinpoint the exact moment in time where we stopped being friends.

Asleep from the wheel

2008-10-22T23:56:00.002-04:00

On the way home from work today, i went thru a toll booth where the toll booth lady was asleep, and all i could think was:

"I'm so jealous of the job you have"

Office Gemini

2008-10-21T18:07:00.003-04:00

This was the email i actually sent out today:
"I will be working 10:30 – 7pm tomorrow. Thanks."

This is the email i really wanted to send out today:
"I will be making paper airplanes out of all your orders between 10:30 and 7, as usual, I say thanks but no thanks to your questions and inquiries, goodbye"

The nightmare before Halloween

2008-10-21T18:04:00.002-04:00

There are bowls of candy everywhere in the office because it's nearly Halloween, but today i noticed a desk with (drum roll please) : apples.

It's like that house when you were a kid that handed out dental floss and granola... just shut your front porch lights off so i know not to come.

the red could be for anger

2008-10-20T19:32:00.002-04:00

So getting your face sunburned at an outdoor sporting event on sunday, then coming into work on a monday, in October, in New york, is an interesting experiment.

No, i don't have the number to the closest tanning bed.

The Sarcastic man meets his Anniversary

2008-10-20T19:12:00.002-04:00

For our One Year Anniversary here, we get a little plastic pretend champagne bottle with red candy in it, and a "Happy Anniversary" sticker on the front.

Maybe for my second year i'll get some soda pop.

Gramma, can i borrow your sweater?

2008-10-17T20:02:00.001-04:00

Friday's are the office equivelent of christmas.

Terrible "dress down" sweaters and all.

Lepors and Lemurs and Snack-Cakes, oh my!

2008-10-15T14:13:00.002-04:00

Nothing makes you feel more like the office lepor than when you don't participate in the "bring-in-food for everyones birthday" day of the month.

Except for when they then put all the food at the empty desk next to you.

Urgent Policy Update:

2008-10-14T11:55:00.001-04:00

A coworker of mine just mentioned that someone was out sick today. Then three different people, right after one another, asked : "Who's out today?"

When i am president, there will be free hearing aids for all!

A mid 20's career change.

2008-10-13T12:51:00.003-04:00

I need a job where if i come in hung over on monday, it won't affect me quite so much.

I'm thinking brain surgeon.

The shallow end of the pool.

2008-10-11T10:43:00.001-04:00

A new girl started this past monday, and i had bet in our pool that she'd be gone by wednesday.

She's still here, so i guess i lost and won.

Appreciated like a 40 degree turkey sandwhich

2008-10-09T00:41:00.003-04:00

So far during "Customer Service Appreciation week" we've received: donughts/pie, Cider/orange juice, and a soft lunchbox bag thing.

I'll let you draw you're own conclusion on how appreciated we are.

Office Astronomy

2008-10-06T12:35:00.001-04:00

Free coffee and Donughts, then free pizza and wings, it's as if the stars aligned in office world.

Which is good, because i'll need zero gravity after i'm 400 pounds.

28 days later: Corporate America Style

2008-10-01T00:34:00.001-04:00

There is nothing like a sick co-worker to spread the feeling of eminent self-doom. Someone should have warned me a surgical mask might be too much.