The rats have opposable thumbs

Canned air is to offices what cheez-whiz is to dairy.

And they both cause cancer.

The Coming together of an Oak Desk and a Kneecap

I had a meeting for my mid year review today, and everything was "meets expectations".

Apprently they have very low expectations.

The People are hovering like crows over bodies

A coworker of mine and i put a candy bowl filled with chocolate and candy inbetween two desks today.

I've never been more popular.

The echo effect

The beauty of working in an office is hearing the same story several different times, from several different people.

Who are all liars.

The Adventures of Back Pain at Work

Never tell your coworkers that you threw out your back while bending down to tie your shoes. I should have told them i was lifting a car to save someone's life.

The Staring Contest

Last night at work, i had a staring contest with the vending machine.

I lost, but the milky way helped dull the pain.